Too Much Stress and Not Enough Time

Greetings Friends,

It's apropos for the end of August to talk about how much everyone bitches about how stressed they are, and how little time they have for themselves. If we were in France right now, most people would be kicked back, relaxing and sipping wine on their traditional August holiday. Some of us would make the snarky comment, "but the French are always on holiday."

One thing I've noticed since I moved to Toronto and started working here, is that the Canadian work ethic is much closer to that of the French and the rest of Europe, as opposed to the "badge of honour" disdain of the 40 hour workweek most Americans wear. When did it become so chic to tout oneself as "so stressed" and severely lacking in "me" time? If anything, the stressed out and overworked are most likely the squeakiest of wheel spinners who constantly complain there are not enough hours in the day. And the sentiment has become so prevalent, that everything from food to cosmetics must be advertised as "time-saving", "multi-tasking", and "convenient".

This is yet another concept I've been ruminating on for a while; granted, I work from home and I don't have any children. But, if the situation were different, and I did have a full-time office job and a couple of kids, I don't believe I would let myself get to the point where I would need to utter that ubiquitous phrase, "there just aren't enough hours in the day." One thing I can honestly say is that I know myself well enough to gauge how much I can handle without getting to that point. And I don't need no stinkin' badges.

When I worked full-time, I gave my all within the parameters of the 40 hour workweek. I worked office jobs, and when I left the workplace in 1999, I was earning a set salary with no overtime. I wasn't your typical in-at-9-out-the-door-at-5 person, but let's just say I wasn't too keen on giving too much more on the arm. 5:30 was usually my limit. Mind you, this was before widespread use of e-mail and smartphones, so for me, there was no extracurricular checking of e-mail or BlackBerrying at 3 am to keep me awake. I put in my required time, and the rest belonged to me. I was able to stay focused and do what needed to be done, but that wasn't always the case for my co-workers. And to make up for that, whether consciously or unconsciously, they could be found at their desks at 7 am, and still sitting there well after business hours. This was interpreted as working hard, and going above and beyond the call of duty. What it was, really, was overcompensating for a lack of focus and too much time wasted. Unfortunately, that mode of behaviour became the American work ethic, and is still the way most people prefer to live their lives. If anything, things have gotten worse; especially in this still floundering economy, where those who still have jobs feel they have to chain themselves to their cubes, in order to demonstrate their gratitude.

I used to work for someone who always admonished his employees to "work smarter, not harder". Those are some smart words; if only the person who uttered them had managed to walk the walk. He was the owner of the company I worked for, and you would always find him at his desk before anyone else, and working late into the night several times a week. Doing what? I always wondered. Suffice it to say, I no longer wonder. The life of a writer is very different from the life of your quintessential office worker. And I am so grateful I am able to make a living at it. Sure, I have deadlines, and I have my fair share of stress; but I am single handedly responsible for my own stress-level, and I don't have anyone else chirping in my ear about not having enough "me" time. I've made peace with the fact that I'll never be Wonder Woman, nor one of those people who "has it all". Let me tell you something: having it all is the biggest load of malarky out there; if you believe in having it all, then you probably still believe in the Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus. No one has it all; and anyone who tells you they do is lying through their teeth.

Here's what I think it means to have it all: if you can make peace with what you can't accomplish in a given day, and can be proud of what you did accomplish during that same time period, that's a pretty impressive feat. You are always your own worst critic, but if at the end of the day, you can lay your head down on your pillow and say, "today was a good day", then the hell with everything else. To everyone who still wants to bitch and moan about so many things to do, so little time to do them in; have a ball. I won't be upset if my invitation to that pity party never arrives.

Nava

GTL = $5,000,000.00

Greetings Friends,

I know, I know...there's that idiot "guido" again. But here's the thing: is he really that stupid? This 29 year-old former nobody from Staten Island has actually become a "sombody" on the premise of "Gym, Tan, Laundry". And I have a Masters degree. What a colossal waste of time.

In a world where abs rule and brains are secondary, this moron pisses me off. He's entitled to make a living just as we all are, but what he's really perpetuating is that the type of living you make is dictated by how you look, how much you drink and who you screw, as long as 5.5 million people tune in every week to watch you. Yes, folks, 5.5 million people have been tuning in every week to MTV, to watch these Jersey Shore morons booze, boink and be blockheads. And all the alliteration in the world couldn't get me noticed if I screamed it from a bullhorn, naked, on the boardwalk in Seaside Heights. These mooks, along with those ridiculous housewives, have me convinced that it won't be nukes, terrorists or Republicans who will bring an end to America; it will be New Jersey. 

So, Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino is the latest reality television superstar. According to this New York Post article, he's expected to earn $5 million by the end of the year from such endeavours as publishing a book espousing the life lessons of "GTL", countless public appearances at approximately $15,000.00 per, where all he has to do is throw back a few and lift up his t-shirt, along with the $60,000.00 per episode he gets for Jersey Shore, not to mention the six-figure book advance, future workout videos, a clothing line and other endorsements that are supposedly in the works. And we're all standing around scratching our heads wondering why America is a nation of know-nothings.

I wasn't going to give "The Situation" any more face time, but what compelled me to was an entry I read yesterday on The New York Times "Opinionator" blog from Wednesday, written by Timothy Egan, titled Building a Nation of Know-Nothings. This piece literally snapped me awake to the epidemic of ignorance and stupidity that has brought America perilously close to its imminent implosion. Not that I wasn't aware of its existence prior, it's just when you see the words in front of you, whether they're on a page or on a computer screen, you have one of those "holy crap" epiphanies that cements the theory, rather than maintaining it as an abstract notion that has no impact on you. It is especially disturbing at this particular juncture, because 40-somethings like me have reached the point where we're genuinely concerned about the lack of industriousness on the part of the younger generations; when their role models are people like "Snooki" and "The Situation", you can no longer bury your head in the sand wondering why all the smart kids are no longer American. When boys say they "wanna be like Mike", they're no longer referring to Michael Jordan; they want to have abs like "The Situation" and rake in the dough like he does. Gone are the days when guys like him were just neighbourhood superstars; now they're taking over the world. It's sad, especially when kids genuinely believe that emulating this type of behaviour is the way to go. 

Last week, I compared Teresa Giudice, one of the ridiculous "Real Housewives" of New Jersey, and her mind-blowing $10 million personal bankruptcy filing, to the financial shit-storm perpetrated by Goldman Sachs that brought us the great financial collapse of 2008. The degree of irresponsibility there is just astounding. Here, we have a caricature of another segment of society: the 29 year-old witless wonder, who fell into a pile of, what I mentioned above, and is now poised to earn millions for doing absolutely nothing. If this is the example we want to set for the future American generations then we are truly, um, with a capital "F". You know the rest. Rush Limbaugh and Fox News are deserving of the lion's share of the blame for all their rumour-mongering and dissemination of misinformation, but if Americans themselves can't be bothered to seek out the truth, and maintain a healthy curiosity about what's going on in the world around them, we have only ourselves to blame. Same goes for Canadians. All my life I've been squawking about how Canadians really need to refrain from emulating their neighbours to the south; and it is all the more important that they take that advice now. You don't want to wind up like us. We're bad, and we're only going to get worse.

Please read Timothy Egan's blog entry; I know it's disheartening and almost mean-spirited, but the man has a point. Particularly with this: "It's one thing to forget the past, with predictable consequences, as the favorite aphorism goes. But what about those who refuse to comprehend the present?" 

Have a wonderful, and very informed weekend.

Nava

The Evolution of Friendship

Greetings Friends,

As I come to the end of my fourth full month of blogging, I couldn't remember when I started using the salutation, "Greetings Friends". It was my third entry, from one of the neighbourhood Starbucks I was "posing" in; before my firewall was adjusted to stop blocking the Blogger software, thus enabling me to write from home.

The concept of a "friend" has changed a lot over time. We've begun to compartmentalize our friendships in ways that are indicative of how life itself has become compartmentalized. A plain old friend has morphed into a "work" friend, a "school" friend, a "Facebook" friend...there are so many categories of friends now, it's impossible to keep track. What has happened to that one, true-blue friend who stays with you through all of life's ups and downs, the good, the bad, the ugly, the happy and the sad? If you don't already have one, chances are, you're not going to find one. Assigning friends to specific categories won't make it any easier.

There is infinite commentary about friendships, especially female friendships, out there in the zeitgeist. What does it all mean? All the stereotypical definitions about what a friendship should be, the inevitable Sex and the City comparisons, and how women always manage to screw up their friendships, accomplishes nothing, except to make us feel lacking because of our seemingly inept social skills. Don't misunderstand me; friendships require work; but how much work is too much when it comes to making a friendship work (that's so Sex and the City rhetorical, isn't it)?

When you get on in years, your tolerance for crap deteriorates to the point where you're willing to put up with less and less of it. When you're a kid or a teenager, you're willing to forgive the most inane trespasses in order to hang on to your precious friendships. As you age, the more labour intensive a relationship becomes, the more likely you'll be to say, "the hell with it" and move on. Your radar is tuned to a different frequency, and your willingness to tolerate questionable behaviour decreases. I find myself in a position comparable to that; as my life evolves, so do my relationships, and my tolerance meter isn't capable of much these days. That sounds pretty ruthless, but I prefer to think of it as preservation of my sanity. If we want to speak in astrological terms, I was born under the sign of Taurus, and can be one of the most staunchly loyal people you'll ever encounter. At some point, loyal people like me can turn into schmucks, and you get to that point in life where you need to take stock of who's deserving of your loyalty and who needs to be excised from your life, because they've made you feel luck a schmuck. This is no easy feat, but when you do manage to figure it out, you want to jettison the offenders as quickly and completely as possible. Think of it as cleaning out your closet, attic, basement; whichever cluttered space weighs most heavily on your mind. Sometimes, you find long forgotten gems, and sometimes you unearth useless memorabilia that is better off getting trashed, or donated to a charitable organization, in the hope it will benefit a soul less fortunate than yours. The key here is to be ruthless; there's no sense being a pack rat or a slave to your emotions. They are yours exclusively, and you have every right to dictate what role they play in your life.

Once all the clutter is gone, you feel weightless; the encumbrances of friendship can be similar to that metaphorical safe or piano hanging over your head, but once you can look up and see only blue sky, the feeling is incredible. You are now the proud owner of your feelings and you are free to evolve and grow, without anything to hold you back or weigh you down.

I realize that last paragraph sounds a bit new age-y and self help-y in a way I completely detest. Think of it as a small pot of Tomato Sauce for Your Ass, as opposed to "Chicken Soup for Your Soul". Dip a nice, crusty piece of bread in, chew and savour. What you're left with is what gives you solace; what you've discarded can now be someone else's problem. I do not give this advice arbitrarily; it is borne of experience, a lot of laughter, and an equal amount of tears shed. And you men better not think you've got it all figured out; you don't.

Nava

Rotten Eggs

Greetings Friends,

These days, you've got to be about as big a twit as Dr. Frank Ryan, M.D. (pending the coroner's report) to not question where your food comes from. 

I found out about the US egg recall the other day; I'm still not paying very close attention to the "bad news", but I find I'm slowly but surely getting sucked back in.

The reports are pretty damning: the factory farm at the source of this latest salmonella outbreak is Galt Iowa's Wright County Egg, whose owner, Jack DeCoster, is pretty high up on the FDA's bad boy list. Wright County Egg has been previously cited for infractions such as unsanitary worker conditions, raids by immigration officials, and improper disposal of hog and chicken manure into a creek near the farm. In fact, former Clinton administration Labor Secretary, Robert Reich, once referred to Wright County Egg as "an agricultural sweatshop".

Anyone who's driven the US Interstate highway system or the Trans Canada Highway has seen livestock transports; they don't look or smell too pleasant: cows standing for hundreds of miles or kilometres on end, pigs flopped together like sacks of flour, and chickens crammed into spaces no bigger than shoe boxes. The view doesn't get much prettier by time these animals reach their destinations; these factory farms aren't exactly Ritz Carltons. And let's not forget about the copious amounts of hormones and antibiotics these animals get shot up with, and the crappy gruel they eat; all in the name of upping production and lowering costs. How does this affect the consumer? Next time you're in your favourite local supermarket, do a little comparison shopping: check the difference in prices between conventional eggs, milk, and meats, and their organic counterparts. Any guess as to which is more expensive? Ding! Ding! Ding! the organic, of course. Now those animals are the ones living large on the Ritz Carlton farms with good food, no meds, and lots of room to roam free. Your average organic farming operation isn't going to produce nearly the yield of a place like Wright County Egg, where the roosters and the hens surely aren't treated like kings and queens. 

When did the American food mantra become "cheap and convenient" as opposed to "healthy and nutritious"? This isn't one we can blame on bogus food shortages or overpopulation. This problem has two rather large and tenacious roots: money and government. The factory farms want to churn out as much product as possible to satisfy the hunger for low-quality prepared and fast foods. Where is all that juiced up beef and chicken destined for? Hooters, McDonalds, Burger King, TGI Fridays, Chili's, Wendy's...you name it. 

Canada is no better. There are stronger regulations against the use of hormones and antibiotics in livestock, but remember the Mad Cow outbreak? Farmers here find ways around the restrictions, and sometimes, there are issues; and they are beginning to occur with increasing regularity. But the US seems to be churning out tainted food products at an alarming rate, with word leaking out that the offending producers have rap sheets as long as my arm. 

Why is nothing being done about it? If you want to sit there oblivious to the many agricultural lobbying groups funding the re-elections of congresspeople and senators, then you go right ahead and tuck into your Grand Slam salmonella-e-coli-extravaganza breakfast. There's not a damn thing the FDA or the Labor Department can do to stop these monsters as long as the right wheels get greased and the money winds up in the right coffers. I'm no conspiracy theorist, nor am I a vegetarian, but this is just another example of, we won't learn our lesson until something really catastrophic happens, like an entire day care or pre-school getting wiped out by tainted chocolate milk. Or, millions of people struck down by some mutant, food-borne bacteria so resistant to antibiotics that an entire region must be incinerated in order to prevent the spread of devastation (remember the Dustin Hoffman movie, Outbreak?). 

The availability of cheap and convenient foods notwithstanding, making healthy food choices can sometimes be difficult. Prices can be prohibitive, and interest in nutritional education is profoundly lacking. Gisele Bundchen can scream all she wants about mandatory breast-feeding, but how many new moms realistically have the time to devote to it when they only get a 16 week maternity leave? How many households can survive in 2010 with just one breadwinner? The statistics are staggering. And yes, much as we don't want to admit it, the diabetes and obesity epidemics are a direct result of millions of people eating bad food. I'm not saying I want to see things like salt and Big Macs, and Kentucky Fried Chicken made illegal (though, high fructose corn syrup should be banned!), but we do have to somehow get a handle on ourselves. 

Next time you go to the supermarket, do me a favour: put down the feedbag of potato chips and the tub of ice cream, and go for that carton of organic eggs; I swear on all that is holy you won't regret it. 

Nava

What a Twit

Greetings Friends,

I won't even bother apologizing for repeating this, but you can't make this stuff up.

Dr. Frank Ryan, M.D. was a well known Hollywood plastic surgeon who recently gained notoriety for performing 10 concurrent plastic surgery procedures on Heidi Montag (late of the MTV reality show, The Hills), transforming her from a stunning blonde, into a Barbie doll-doppelganger. Well, now the man famous for giving her watermelon-freak show breasts and a cast-iron chin, is dead. He was 50, so maybe you're thinking, heart attack? Alas, he drove his car off a cliff on the Pacific Coast Highway while he was Twittering about his dog. Ironically, the dog was with him in the car, and survived.

In addition to his reputation as a top-flight plastic surgeon, Dr. Ryan was apparently quite the philanthropist. He gave generously of his time and resources to his eponymous foundation, and had quite a roster of celebrity friends (some of them patients as well). So, what made this guy take leave of his senses and start Twittering while driving? And on the Pacific Coast Highway of all places? I've driven part of the PCH in northern California, and I know first hand that disaster is imminent if you're not giving that road your complete attention. I'm sure the same holds true in southern California. The investigation into his crash is ongoing as I write this, so who knows? Maybe he did have a massive coronary behind the wheel and the press is doing their usual bang-up job (pardon the pun) of maligning yet another poor schmuck who apparently couldn't control the urge to drive and Tweet. Not to sound maudlin, but I would be less angry if Dr. Ryan really did have a heart attack, rather than having to add him to the list of morons who do stupid things behind the wheels of cars. I guess I'll have to wait and see.

In the meantime, at least his legacy isn't one of a plastic surgeon who literally butchered his patients. If looking like a Barbie doll was your wish, Dr. Frank Ryan was your fairy godfather.

Have a great weekend.

Nava

The Mosque and the One Term President

Greetings Friends,

In the true spirit of my "American-ness", I'm doing a John Kerryesque flip-flop and writing about politics. I've said previously that I don't want to get overtly political, but in this case, I'm not breaking any campaign promises, and this is my blog. Within the confines of this URL, this blog is not a democracy.

There's been a lot of jabbering about the proposed "Ground Zero" mosque, its offensiveness to the people of New York City, and the memory of those who perished on September 11, 2001. I haven't been following the story that closely; as I've recently lamented, I've deliberately been avoiding the North American media because I've finally grown sick and tired of all the bad news, not to mention the inept delivery of said news. I've been sticking mostly to just looking out the window and partaking of snippets at my favourite online outlets; some of which you can check out here, if you mouse right and scroll down.

I'm weary beyond comprehension when it comes to the blaming of Barack Obama for everything that happens in the US. OK, he's not turning out to be the agent of change Americans who voted for him (including myself) were hoping he'd be, but the mountains of crap the man has to contend with are literally insurmountable. Let's make another list, shall we:

A deficit in the trillions of dollars

Two wars that don't stand a chance of being won

An irretrievably broken health care system

A financial sector that thinks it has the God-given right to steal

An education system that is even more irretrievably broken than the health care system

Rush Limbaugh
   
Sean Hannity

Glenn Beck

Bill O'Reilly

Sarah Palin

Millions of ignorant Americans who think every word out of the mouths of the individuals listed above is gospel.

Congress

The balance of the nation that doesn't listen to the above group, but is still deeply, ideologically divided.

If I had to deal with just the first two items on that list, I'd phone up Dick Cheney to see if he could squeeze in a hunting trip. And now, we have the issue of a Muslim group wanting to erect an Islamic centre near where the World Trade Center towers once stood. In true evasive American democratic style, President Obama commented on this issue by saying Americans have every right to practice their respective religions. He's right on that count, but does a Muslim group have the right to rub salt on the September 11 wound that is far from healed, by wanting to build a mosque so close to where the towers stood? To quote my favourite political satire program, The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, would we be as outraged if a Catholic church were to be built next to a playground?

Part of me is very sad that Barack Obama hasn't done right by America. Another part of me wonders if any politician could at this particular moment in time. What would Hillary Clinton have done differently? What would John McCain have done had he and that half-wit Sarah Palin gotten elected? The truth of the matter is, America's trajectory was cockeyed long before Obama took office, and even long before George W. Bush took office. What we have to realize is that blaming the guy currently sitting in the big chair for generations of misdeeds doesn't solve anything. The system is broken, and unfortunately, it will probably take a tragedy far worse than September 11 to get us to realize that.

As the 9th anniversary of that tragic day approaches, one of my most enduring memories is of Congressional members standing on the steps of the Capitol building singing "God Bless America". One of them made a comment, something to the effect of, "There is no longer any such thing as Republicans or Democrats; only Americans." If only that were true.

Nava

The New Jersey Housewife vs. Goldman Sachs

Greetings Friends,

Can I just say how much I love People.com's Archive? It is an unparalleled wealth of cultural zeitgeist going back to their very first issue in March 1974. As a professional procrastinator, I can spend hours on it, reading the stories and looking at the pictures. At least the "People" back then were legitimate public figures, as opposed to the "stars" that dominate their pages today. Case in point: Teresa Giudice (pictured above), a "Real New Jersey" housewife and Carmela Soprano wannabe, who shopped her way to a $10.9 million bankruptcy filing, and is not the least bit shy about telling the world how she got there. 

First of all, why do I care? In the grand scheme of things, I normally get a big jolt out of hearing about this type of garden variety dysfunction. Lately, I've been trying to understand how the gang at Goldman Sachs legally managed to make billions out of sub-prime mortgage derivatives. Realistically, Goldman's behaviour mirrors the behaviour Ms. Giudice is guilty of, although she's really not hurting anyone but herself, her family and her creditors. The Goldman gang blew up the world; Ms. Giudice only took down her little corner of New Jersey. Yet, we all know about it, courtesy of Bravo, and their need to fill the cable universe with bickering, silicone inflated caricatures that are supposed to pass for "real" housewives of Orange County, New York, New Jersey, DC, Atlanta...where, oh where will it end?

I'm not suggesting Goldman Sachs is any less culpable because they set off a financial nuke within the letter of the law. They should be tried at a financial crimes tribunal, found guilty, and executed for their shameless greed. But, should the same fate befall a financially clueless spendaholic like Teresa Giudice? I'm not sure. She and her Tony Soprano-doppelganger of a husband Joe, were living fairly large on his successful business ventures, until they decided to build a 10,000 square foot mansion in some ritzy North Jersey enclave, sparing no expense on every accoutrement and amenity. This, on top of Ms. Giudice's already lavish spending habits that apparently included (according to People) in-vitro fertilization treatments, furs, clothing, shoes, and whatever else contributed to her alleged $80,000.00 in personal credit card debt. Her claim is that she does not understand finance, and her husband could not be bothered to explain it to her, because all the bills were getting paid. When the gravy train pulled into the station, their world exploded, leaving them millions in debt, and Ms. Giudice with what appears to be a severe case of shopaholic's denial. The rest of us are watching, rapt with schadenfreude, waiting to see what befalls Ms. Giudice and her family, now that most of her possessions are being auctioned off to repay creditors. Reality television audiences are snickering away while her comeuppance gets played out for their viewing pleasure. And, yet, she allows it to happen.

Here's what I'd like to see happen: Take the cameras off people like Teresa Giudice and aim them at the modern-day Wall Street robber barons, like the mooks at Goldman Sachs, et al. Stake out their mansions and yachts, and leave people like George Clooney, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie alone. Let them get a taste of what Hollywood has to deal with every time they go to Starbucks or grocery shopping, or attempt to enjoy a quiet holiday with their families. Really, what is it that fascinates us so? I have no desire to make a living as an actor, nor do I plan on acquiring another advanced degree so I can fully unpack the meaning behind a mortgage backed security. My rudimentary understanding of it is enough to know that none of it should have been legal in the first place. But, no use crying over spilled milk. However, I wouldn't mind seeing the Wall Street set subjected to some intense flashbulb misery above and beyond those ridiculous dog-and-pony show congressional appearances. Those are nothing but a profound waste of taxpayer time and money. Wouldn't it be thrilling to see nebbishy little Lloyd Blankfein get stalked by a pack of paparazzi like Britney Spears? Have his wife followed around while she shops away at Bergdorf's, documenting every penny she spends? 

People like Teresa Giudice bore me; she is nothing more than another unwitting architect of her own misery. Yeah, I enjoy wasting time reading about her ilk, but eventually, I have to put her aside and get on with my life. People like Lloyd Blankfein and his ilk bug the shit out of me. They exploit greed and ignorance within the letter of the law and get away with it. They're the ones who need a financial education, even though they've got diplomas on their walls documenting that they've "been there, done that". It's not enough. Send them back from whence they came, without the millions they "legally" stole, and let them see what it's like to deal with real vilification. I'll be sitting front and centre for that show. 

Nava