Monday, March 21, 2011

The Perfect Engagement

Greetings Friends,

When I was in high school, I read many romance novels. I wore girly perfumes and dreamed about having the perfect man propose to me with a diamond ring the size of a Gobstopper. Now, many years later, I gag at the thought of romance. I crave honesty, straightforwardness and as bullshit-free of a life as possible. Which is why I'm considering dangling from my balcony over what I'm currently working on. Relax, I'm only on the third floor. 

I've never been a big fan of weddings. Maybe because I began attending them at a young age; my first cousins on my father's side were all considerably older than me and started getting married when I was around 10 years old. Children that age don't belong at weddings, unless you impose the job of ring bearer or flower girl upon them. Other than that, they should be left at home. Alas, I was not, and had to suffer through more weddings than the average child should be subjected to. By the time I was 16, I walked down the aisle at by brother's wedding and watched him marry a woman who...well, it's not about her. It's about the "engagement" portion of the process, and what one should do when the time comes to pop the question. I've been attempting to write a page for an engagement ring Web site about getting engaged in Toronto, and it's not going terribly well. I can improvise almost anything, but trying to come up with suggestions for where to get engaged is proving torturous. 

Here are some unique suggestions. Of course they won't be appearing on the page I'm working on, but maybe by letting off a bit of steam, I'll get my head into a place where I can finish the damn thing and move on. 

The Food Court at the Eaton Centre: I don't know what's been going on in that place, but the food court has begun to resemble the Port Authority Bus Terminal. Hide the ring in a large order of McDonalds fries and hope the homeless guy begging for spare change doesn't find it before she does.

The College Street TTC Station:  This used to be the stop hockey fans got off at to go see games at Maple Leaf Gardens. Propose to her in front of the mural on the platform of players wearing Montreal Canadiens uniforms. This is Toronto - why are the players wearing the uniforms of their arch rivals? It might make you re-think your move entirely. 

Any Random Hole in the Ground Promising to be the Next Luxury Condo Hi-Rise: These have become so ubiquitous across the city, you wonder where the people will be coming from who will potentially inhabit these domiciles. Also, you can show her what she'll never have because you blew so much money on the ring. 

An All-You-Can-Eat Sushi Restaurant: The tuna is fake, but you'd never know it. So is the diamond in the engagement ring. 

The Glass Floor Observation Deck at the CN Tower:  It's 1,122 feet straight down. If she horks before she answers, you'll know why. 

I think I'm going to stop here. I don't want everyone to think I'm completely romance-intolerant. I'm not, but I'll never make my living writing about it. Thank God. 


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