Yes, I know; I've been mostly MIA lately. Actually, I've been trapped in the inner circle of thought. That's a rip off of a line from an esoteric little movie from the early 90s, Defending Your Life. It stars Albert Brooks (pictured above) as a dead man who has to defend himself to the universe before he ascends to a higher level of consciousness, or is returned to Earth for another go round. When I was younger, I adored this movie. As I've aged, it kind of bothers me; I find myself in the midst of a somewhat existential crisis: I've been spending inordinate amounts of time inside my head, thinking myself into a literal stupor.
Why have I been spending the majority of my time this way? For one, current events are nothing short of horrific. Between the Middle East and now Japan, I'm beginning to wonder if the Mayans really did have it all figured out. Second, there's been an overwhelming amount of vindictiveness and pettiness that I've had to contend with lately. It takes Herculean strength to deal with it all, and to keep from succumbing to it. When you keep saying to yourself, be the bigger person; don't give credence to that type of behaviour by indulging in it yourself, you eventually want to just crawl under the covers and never be heard from again. Why is it so easy to be vindictive and petty, and so hard to sit there and take it? I've been told I shouldn't let it bother me. I need to get over it and move on. I even had someone ask me (a mental health professional no less), "How long do you think it will take you to get over this?" Is there a time frame? Is there a book I should buy that has a schedule I should be living my life by? Sorry, but I make it a habit to steer clear of the Self Help/Personal Growth section of any bookstore. In my opinion, that area wastes more valuable space than the Danielle Steel/Harlequin Romance section.
Everyone has a neurosis or two they deal with; none of us are "normal". Those of us who manage to own our neuroses are likely to get along in life much better than those of us who can't. I've been making a concerted effort to deal with mine, but the more I try, the more excuses I have. Again, there's the mental health professional chirping in my ear. How can we get through a day with out an excuse or two? Is there anyone walking the earth who is totally willing to take ownership of every mode of behaviour? Geez, if I tried hard enough, I bet I could be that person. Forget it; I don't get enough sleep as it is. Oops, that sounded like an excuse to me.
The bottom line is that you need to learn to be your own best friend. Counting on others for empathy and support is an impossibility these days. If you want loyalty, get a dog. I think that's what Michael Douglas told Charlie Sheen in Wall Street. It's entirely possible that's the soundest piece of advice ever uttered.
From here on out, it's back to blogging. I still like referring to my readers as friends, but I'm completely at peace that you are not literally my friends. No more excuses.
Have a great weekend.