Mel Gibson's Tirades

Greetings Friends,

The great thing about being a movie star is having yourself immortalized on film; so, when you're old, grey, and apparently losing your marbles faster than the water rushing over Niagara Falls, you have something to reflect on and be proud of.

I've always had a "thing" for Mel Gibson. Not so much because of the "Mad Max" movies, but the "Lethal Weapon" quartet. I've since moved on to Russell Crowe. Maybe deep down it's more to do with the fact that both men hail from New Zealand/Australia, but I think it's more that they are scruffy tough guys. I've always been a sucker for the scruffy tough guys.

Is it me, or is most of Hollywood on the brink of self-destruction these days? Or do I just spend too much time paying attention to it? Probably me... As I've said ad nauseam, I have a propensity towards procrastinating on the online gossip sites. This past week has seen a couple of ripe plums fall off the tree: Lindsay Lohan will soon take up residence in the Paris Hilton suite of the L.A. women's detention facility, and Mel Gibson seems to have lost the rest of his six-pack, as evidenced by those awful tirades his ex-girlfriend conveniently recorded.

And why is that, by the way? I may not be as technologically adept as I'd like, but so far, in the slightly more than 40 years I've been breathing, I've never had a legitimate reason to record a phone call. Then again, I've never been in a relationship with a man who is worth as much as Mel Gibson. All the same, you'd think a man like him would, at this stage of his life, not let his, um, you know, do the thinking for him. I guess that's one of the side effects of Viagra they don't talk about during the commercials.

Regardless of any rationale, I did listen to all three tapes, and was not particularly impressed by any of them. Maybe because Mel should really have known better, and because his so-called girlfriend didn't sound at all like she was threatened in any way. For a certain segment of humanity, technology is a tool that can be utilized quite effectively as a means of extortion. We've come a long way from "wiring up" with microphones; these days, anyone with even the most basic of mobile phones can record conversations, take pictures and send them viral with the push of a couple of buttons. It's never been easier to get yourself in trouble on so many levels, and trouble seems to attach itself to some people like barnacles to a ship.

While I would never wish ill on someone I have never met, have never spoken to, or haven't the first clue what it's like to be them, I really think Mel is not fully to blame in all this. His ex-girlfriend, Oksana Grigorieva, is probably somewhat barnacle-like. Mel has gotten into a few significant scrapes of late, involving drunken, racially motivated ranting, questionable projects, and the simple fact that he's no longer the scruffy, sexy tough guy pictured above. That being said, at age 54, with the legacy of his Hollywood stardom taking up residence in the "cautionary tale" category, Mel should have recognized the side effects and regrouped. I'm not just talking about the primal urges - those, combined with technology have gotten a lot of public figures in a hell of a lot more trouble than he's in. I'm sure the same can be said for individuals who don't have the extra added burden of having to live out their personal dramas on People.com or in the supermarket tabloids. All the same, it behooves us one and all to watch our collective asses (pun intended), when there's an abundance of technology in our midst, capable of capturing our missteps and preserving them for time immemorial.

R.I.P. George Steinbrenner and Bob Sheppard: It would be bad form, even though I'm a New York Mets fan, to let the passing of these two men go by without proper acknowledgment. George Steinbrenner, the now former principle owner of the New York Yankees, died yesterday in Tampa Florida of a massive heart attack at the age of 80. His legacy is one of turmoil, controversy and championships, and it always made for great press clippings. The Yankees won 7 world championships during his tenure as owner, and things were always interesting up in the Bronx.

Bob Sheppard passed away this past Sunday at the age of 99. He was the public address announcer at Yankee Stadium (and Giants Stadium for Giants & Jets football games) from 1951 until 2007. He was nicknamed the "Voice of God", and having heard his voice in person many times, I can say with all honesty, his only known rival in that department was Cecil B. DeMille as the voice of God in The Ten Commandments. Both men are two irreplaceable elements of New York culture, that I say sincerely, will be sorely missed.

Nava

The Tim Hortons Dominion

Greetings Friends,

I have to give a shout-out to my friend J.M. Brown, who provided inspiration for this post. He, and this article I found last week on The Huffington Post.

Everyone knows the economy is way better here in Canada than in the U.S. Unfortunately, those numbers are skewed because of the types of jobs that are out there; same as it was in the U.S. when employment was booming. The majority of positions for hire were in the retail and service sectors, just as they are here, right now.

I make no secret of how much I love Tim Hortons coffee. If it were possible, I'd have an I.V. drip of double-double (that's light and sweet) flowing into my body 24/7. Forget Starbucks and Second Cup, and even the very popular Canadian brand, Kick Ass Fair Trade coffee. Give me an extra large Tim Hortons double-double, and I'm happy as the proverbial clam.

J.M. and The Huffington Post got me thinking; the area I live in has become saturated with Tim Hortons locations. Within about a 5 km radius, there are three free-standing stores, one Petro Canada gas station abbreviated drive-thru, and one full service drive-thru location inside an Esso gas station "On the Run" convenience store. That's plenty of places where I can get a coffee, a yummy sandwich and an even yummier chocolate danish, any time the mood strikes. Are five Tim Hortons locations in such a concentrated vicinity really necessary? No, but they're there, and from what I can tell, they are unequivocal gold mines.

Despite the geographic saturation, those Tim Hortons stores employ lots of people, make money for their franchisees, and of course, the corporation. But are they really helping the Canadian economy? Maybe I should call that prof from the University of Ottawa, the one who weighed in on the Why Not Canada? NHL issue I wrote about last week. I'm sure he'd be happy to provide all kinds of economic jargon and statistical data that would send me racing for the nearest bottle of Advil.

Do minimum wage retail jobs provide the economic "goose" we need, or are they just a "patch" to make everyone think things are good when they really aren't? I'm guessing patch, rather than goose. Why? Because I witnessed the demise of Grumman Aerospace (the US firm that built fighter jets and the famous Lunar Exploration Module, or L.E.M.), on Long Island, and the economic fall-out it caused. Most of the Grumman engineers and ancillary staff wound up jobless, and the only sector that stepped up to re-employ these people was the retail sector. After its demise, the best the powers that be in Nassau and Suffolk Counties, in New York, could come up with to replace Grumman, was to build more shopping malls. So, not only were these people not performing jobs commensurate with their capabilities, they were getting paid significantly less. But, they HAD jobs, and that's all that mattered. After all, a statistic is a statistic is a statistic.

Today, Long Island is an even bigger wasteland than it was when I lived there. Exorbitant property taxes combined with the skyrocketing cost of living make it virtually impossible for anyone to live there; anyone who still believes there is such a thing as an American Middle Class. Are Canadians making the same mistakes? I think they very well may be.

Skyrocketing property values combined with underemployment can be a pretty combustible combination. Even a well-educated person such as myself, doing a job I absolutely love, is technically underemployed. But, for the time being, I am thankful to at least be gainfully employed.

My blog is not a place where I've ever minced words, so I will say, I hope Canada catches itself before the bottom falls out. There are a lot of my own mistakes I'm trying very hard not to repeat, and it would sadden me greatly to see Canada follow in the footsteps of our neighbour to the south.

Somewhere out there, the American Tea Baggers are preparing the slipknot on a noose with my name on it. Bring it on, folks; I'm actually very easy to find.

Nava

Fish Story

Greetings Friends,

I realize the image above is less than appetizing, but the person whose feet you're gazing at is actually getting a pedicure courtesy of the dead skin-loving Garra Rufa fish. Yes, those little fishies actually suck the dead skin off your feet, supposedly giving you a pedicure better than the most indulgent spa can offer. Apparently, no amount of milk, honey, sea salt or paraffin wax can come close to the "Doctor" fish.

Ironically, the salon that started the "Doctor" fish craze in North America is in Alexandria Virgina, not far from where I lived for a few months last year. Had I known, I would have gladly submitted my feet for some fishy skin-sucking, since I was a big fan of getting regular pedicures in a former life. I've never been a big fan of feet in general, and my own are not my most favourite feature. When I was a kid, the two things I hated most were having my toenails cut, and when my mother refused to send me off to grade school without braiding or pig-tailing my hair, complete with cute little barrettes and colourful ribbons. When I revolted and insisted on a haircut, I remember her crying, watching as my long locks were lopped off by her hairdresser. As bad as that was, toenail cutting was sheer torture. But, when I finally succumbed to my first professional pedicure back in 1997, I was hooked.

Today, regular pedicures are more of a frivolous indulgence, rather than an absolute necessity. I'm sure not everyone will agree with that, but hey - you have to roll with the changes. Garra rufa fish were a well-kept secret in the Middle East for decades, before some industrious salon owner decided to bring them to these here parts to entice the masses. Even Diane Sawyer let the "Doctor" fish have at her feet on Good Morning America. She may not have the journalistic integrity she once did, but at least her feet are soft as a baby's bum. Once Kim Kardashian gives her official okey dokey, we'll all be gettin' squishy with the fishies. Honestly, I hope that day never comes.

If anyone has ever experienced one of these "fish pedicures" please feel free to comment. I'm about 80% sure I would consider having one, but I'm still 20% short of being absolutely sure. 

In the meantime, check out fish-massage.net. I wrote the copy, but the site is still in the midst of some major tweaking.

Enjoy your weekend.

Nava

Hot as Puck

Greetings Friends,

When I look at the little weather icon on my toolbar and I see 33 degrees, I think, jeez, I should be in a sweater and socks. But, 33 degrees Celsius is hot as, well, you know. I'll get used to the metric system soon enough. It hasn't even been a year yet.

Seeing as it's hot enough outside to spontaneously combust like one of the drummers from Spinal Tap, it's only fitting to talk about hockey. Yeah, it's the shortest off-season in all of professional sports, but it is my favourite game, despite all my bitching.

Speaking of bitching, my favourite newspaper, The Bitch and Fail, has partnered up with TSN for Why Not Canada?, a missive running in both the paper and on Sportscentre, asking the NHL to reconsider the Canadian cities it abandoned in the mid-90s due to a pathetically weak Canadian dollar and a much more robust American economy. Now that the tables have turned and it's Canada with the strong currency and the smokin' economy, people in places like Quebec City and Winnipeg are once again clamouring for NHL teams.

The former Quebec Nordiques have enjoyed success as the reincarnated Colorado Avalanche, but the Winnipeg Jets/Phoenix Coyotes are currently the dog's breakfast of the NHL. From Wayne Gretzky's disastrous coaching efforts to financial ruin, you would think the city of Phoenix would want to unload the team to the highest bidder. Not when Gary Bettman, the nebbishy little hobbit from Queens, is pulling the strings. As NHL commish, Gary Bettman has been hell-bent on sticking teams in the most bizarre of American cities, thinking he's bestowing a gold mine of culture on places like Nashville, Raleigh, Phoenix, Tampa, and Miami. The Florida franchises have had some degree of success, but the lustre has certainly faded. And when you introduce hockey to regions where high school football games are played before crowds of 50,000 and people worship at the altar of NASCAR, you're taking a big time risk trying to get the yokels to follow a little black disc made of Vulcanized rubber, sliding up and down on a sheet of ice. Not surprisingly, Bettman refuses to give up.

I have to give TSN and The Bitch and Fail credit; they've done their homework, bringing in a University of Ottawa economist and chatting up potential owners to showcase how much better things are in the Great White North now, as compared to 15 years ago. I have to agree. Based on my own situation, I have to admit that I am very lucky to be living in Canada right now. I am gainfully employed, I have health insurance, and I'm no longer tortured by the monthly unemployment figures and home foreclosure stats. Things are good here, and I believe they will continue to improve. That being said, the nebbish is still intent on dangling carrots in the faces of Canadian hockey fans, even though the numbers are overwhelmingly in our favour. He spit in the face of BlackBerry mogul Jim Balsillie, who literally begged to take the Phoenix Coyotes off his hands, and coyly suggests that fans here not hold their collective breath waiting for the moving trucks to arrive. It must be nice to be such a little man sitting in such a big chair, thinking he knows best. We shall see...

R.I.P. Bob Probert: NHL tough guy, Bob Probert, died of an apparent heart attack Monday, at the age of 45. Although his career was fraught with drug and legal problems, he was one of the best enforcers to ever play the game. It's always sad to see anyone leave the party way too early, but here was a guy, who by all accounts, got his shit together and redeemed himself for all his misdeeds. He leaves behind a wife and 4 children, and a legacy of being one of the toughest competitors in the NHL, along with being one of the most gentlemanly. He will be missed.

Nava

In Observance of...

Greetings Friends,

In observance of American Independence Day, the Queen's visit to Canada, my metaphorical hangover from celebrating the award bestowed on my ghostwritten article, plus the fact that I'm up to my eyeballs in work (is that enough?), preempts Monday's blog post. At least I didn't lose any fingers trying to blow up my street during any 4th of July festivities. Then again, I am in Canada.

I'll be back on Wednesday, all fingers and toes accounted for.

Nava

I'm Kvelling!

Hi again,

I posted last month about an article I ghostwrote that was entered in a small business article writing competition. Well, guess what? My article won the SEO category! You can read the award-winning Thinking Outside the Bot here.

So, now I can add "award winning" to my bio, and raise my rates accordingly. Hey, it ain't a Pulitzer, but I'll take it. Thanks to everyone who voted.

Nava 

Her Majesty's Hats and Taxes

Greetings Friends,

Writing about overtly political topics is not something I want to indulge in often, but on the subject of taxes, well, they're somewhat difficult to ignore.

Yesterday, Canada celebrated its 143rd birthday with the monarch and about 100,000 faithful in attendance on Parliament Hill in Ottawa. Her Majesty, dressed in patriotic red-and-white, including an ornate maple leaf brooch and one of her cheeky hats, referred to Canada as an "Example to the world", and a "Caring home for its own [and] a sanctuary for others." This is all true. We are also the Commonwealth nation that pays the most in taxes to keep her in her cheeky hats, and the rest of her family ensconced in their ludicrously ornate lifestyle.

The concept of royalty is a conundrum I've always grappled with. Yeah, I got up at the crack of dawn back in 1981 to watch Prince Charles marry Lady Diana Spencer. I even watched the Prince Andrew-Fergie nuptials; and look how well both of those turned out... As an adult, I realize it's no longer about the fairy tale, but the reality of what monarchy represents. The British royal family doesn't have any real political power anymore, but newly minted British Prime Minister David Cameron still had to get down on bended knee and ask for permission to form a new government. Here in Canada, Governor General Michaele Jean gets to read the Throne Speech at the opening of every new parliament, because she is the representative of the reigning monarch. Canada is considered a Constitutional Monarchy, so there will always be someone pinch-hitting for the Queen.

In addition to it being Canada Day, new tax guidelines went into effect yesterday in the provinces of Ontario and British Columbia. Residents of both provinces now have to pay Harmonized Sales Tax on a whole new batch of goods and services that were taxed at lower rates or not at all. For example, a litre of gas now has an additional 8 cents in tax tacked onto its already high price, a double-double at Tim Hortons costs more, and that haircut will now have 13% tax added on to the price. The rhyme and reason is sufficiently convoluted, but both the provincial governments of BC and Ontario insist the HST is in the best interests of their residents, proclaiming it will save businesses money and create new jobs. I'm sure those proclamations will be of great comfort to those of us about to watch our cost of living increase.

As a Canadian and an American, I am pretty flummoxed by all this tax talk, as well as what it means to be a citizen of both countries. The Tea Party morons in the US get under my skin with their ignorant rhetoric, and their rejection of "Obama" Care. Here, people have lived with government sponsored health care for almost 50 years, and it's fine by them. Do they wish they didn't have "wait times" for non-life threatening procedures? Yes, of course. But ask any Canadian with a health card in his or her wallet if they'd rather pay a larcenous insurance company rather than 13% percent tax on most of their purchases, and the answer would likely be a resounding "no freakin' way". Canadians love the US for its vacation destinations and its shopping, but when it comes to where they'd rather live, the Great White North and its constitutional monarchy is the overwhelming location of choice. I can see why. But then again, I know better. I consider it a great honour to be a dual citizen, although I'm sure the Tea Baggers would see me hanged for high treason for the crime of being a citizen of the US and another country.

Despite heavy taxation with representation, the G20 fiasco, Stephen Harper, Celine Dion, and the clubbing of innocent baby seals, Canada is a great place; so is the US. I am proud to be both a Canadian and an American, Tea Baggers be damned. At least I get it. 

Happy 4th to all my American friends. Be careful with those M80s.

Nava