Monday, May 9, 2011

Push Presents

Greetings Friends,

I thought we'd shift the conversation off of terrorist assassinations and politics for a while, back to pop culture ridiculousness. First let me preface the following by disclaiming that I am not a mother, nor do I plan on becoming one any time soon.

I've long been aware of the "push" present, given to a new mother after successfully delivering a child. Maybe for some mothers, it's a sushi dinner, or a good bottle of wine, but when you're Hollywood stylist Rachel Zoe, it'd better look like what's pictured above, which, according to, is exactly what she got.

Earlier this year, dubbed 2011 the "Year of the Baby". Anyone who's anyone in Hollywood is with child, and the legions of camera Nazis are out in force on "bump watch". It's an extended odyssey from the pregnancy announcement, to the wardrobe choices, the actual birth and then the miraculous disappearance of the baby weight. If I was a conspiracy theorist, I wouldn't be worrying so much about whether Neil Armstrong actually walked on the moon, or if Barack Obama was really born in Hawaii, I'd want to know if all the "birthers" in Hollywood are paying armies of surrogates to have their babies for them, while they flash fake bellies at the paparazzi. Hey - stranger things have happened. How many women can actually say they've lost all their baby weight within days of giving birth, all due to breastfeeding? If you believe that, there are a few bridges I'd like to sell you. 

Body image has always been a touchy subject. Pregnancy usually doesn't help. Once a mere mortal woman has a child, getting her pre-pregnancy shape back can be a difficult, frustrating endeavour. Many women fail to get back to the shape they were prior to having a child, and have to live with the consequences for years, if not the rest of their lives. Watching women like Penelope Cruz, Miranda Kerr, Amy Adams, and countless other "celebutards" (I know that's mean, but this is my blog) parade around in couture scant weeks after giving birth is enough to give any woman a permanent case of postpartum depression. And flashing a 10 carat push present doesn't help either. 

Sometimes I think celebrities procreate to feed their over-weaning egos. Someone like Rachel Zoe seems to care more about how many Birkin bags she's got lined up in her closet, rather than how competent of a mother she'd make. I know all too well about the ticking of the clock, but I'm also a firm believer that not every woman is cut out to be a mother. I count myself among those ranks. And I don't think there's anything wrong with admitting that. Kids have never been in the cards for me, and I can honestly say that's a good thing. I love children, as long as they belong to other people. I've never felt the pangs of motherhood, nor will I. And that's fine. If I really want an ostentatious bauble or some other outrageously expensive trinket, having a baby isn't the reason I should get it. 

Parenthood is not an excuse to indulge in over-the-top consumerism. What's Victoria Beckham going to receive once she squeezes out kid #4?  I shudder to think about it. Instead, I think about all the families in North America struggling to put food on the table, and the other monumental day-to-day struggles raising a family entails. For most of us, they certainly do not include nannies, personal trainers, raw food diets and push presents. If that's what raising a family is all about, I suggest getting a dog instead.


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