Monday, November 22, 2010

Airport Security?

Greetings Friends,

The week of American Thanksgiving is the busiest of the year for air travel. I'm thanking my lucky stars for not having to get on an airplane, but I've been saying that for years. Although I realize "airport security" isn't going anywhere anytime soon, I am grateful to not have to deal with it on a regular basis. All the uproar over these invasive pat-downs has me pretty steamed, and if it were me subject to one of these gropings, you can bet I would not be happy about it; nor would I find it in my heart to not give a TSA employee a hard time about having to endure a molestation in full view of other passengers. It's just plain wrong.

The degree of humiliation airline passengers must endure in order to board a metal tube loaded with high octane fuel and other inconsiderate passengers, is beyond my comprehension. I haven't been on an airplane in 6 years, and for good reasons. No, I'm not deathly afraid of flying; I just haven't had occasion to step onto a jet bound for a destination I desperately want to travel to. Sure, I've traveled through North America, but via automobile. To me, it is infinitely more pleasurable to hop in a car and drive to my destination, rather than have to put up with the amount of insanity one must cope with in order to board an airplane. The day will come when I will get on an airplane again, bound for a destination that is otherwise unreachable via automobile. Until that time, I will remain on terra firma. Hell, I'd even drive to Alaska if the opportunity presented itself. No, I won't be bunking with the Palins.

While there is not a snowball's chance the methods with which the TSA screens passengers will improve, the tolerance level of American air travellers is rapidly dwindling. After September 11, there was this sense of, "It's for my own safety, and I have no choice". Now, it's full body scanning, groping, sexual abuse, inappropriate touching, "touching the junk", et. al. Even Secretary of State Hillary Clinton has said she would not put up with such treatment. But, she has her own plane. Isn't that nice? If the rest of us want to travel from point A to point B, we've got to suck it up. Or do we? The airport is no place to be a shit disturber, but I have to ask? Is all this "security" really necessary? The astronomical costs? The violations of privacy and dignity? In the meantime, you've got terrorist groups laughing their collective asses off while they watch images of Americans and Canadians enduring the pat down, and having their private parts on full display courtesy of those scanning machines. Don't for a second believe that your bits and pieces are "blurred".

Al Qaeda in the Arabian Peninsula has since announced that they plan to continue their "cheap" terrorist stunts until they succeed in blowing something up. Trying to send explosives via FedEx or UPS from Yemen is far less expensive than what the governments of Canada and the US are spending to attempt to "keep us safe". Maybe we need McGuyver to tell us what the best solution to airport security is. Won't we look like a huge pile of asses if the answer turns out to involve nothing more than a pack of chewing gum and a roll of Scotch tape? I know the answer can't be that simple, but there has to be a better way than this. I'm sure the millions of people who will be travelling this week are looking forward to groping turkey legs and the television remote, rather than getting groped attempting to get there.

If the TSA wants to do us all a favour, they'll issue a ban on farting while on airplanes. That just might get me back in the air sometime soon.


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